


Stick The Landing

by ImpishFics



Series: Trust Fall [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Huang Renjun has trust issues, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Not Beta Read, Skater Na Jaemin, a little bit of healing, as a treat, na jaemin certified good boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23899996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImpishFics/pseuds/ImpishFics
Summary: “Okay well, just stick to the plan and it will be fine.” Renjun laughs.“What plan, there is no plan, the plan is just for me to break up with him.”“Exactly you gotta break up with him, don’t let him distract you.” Renjun laughs again
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno
Series: Trust Fall [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1722658
Comments: 41
Kudos: 97





	Stick The Landing

**Author's Note:**

> PSA [CONTRIBUTE PLEASE BLM](https://moreblminfo.carrd.co/)
> 
> I wasn't gonna make a sequel bu a couple people left some really nice comments asking about it, so, ta-da: more nonesense

“Okay well, just stick to the plan and it will be fine.” Renjun laughs.

“What plan, there is no plan, the plan is just for me to break up with him.”

“Exactly you gotta break up with him, don’t let him distract you.” Renjun laughs again, and he feels a little lighter, Jaemin continues, “and call me after. On the walk home.”

Renjun nods, they had agreed it would best for Renjun to have some time alone, to grieve or process, or to collect himself. Jaemin hadn’t been quite on board but Renjun insisted, Jaemin had already seen him cry too much.

“Wish me luck.”

“You’ll be fine.” Jaemin reassures, Renjun glares at him.

“Wish Me Luck.” Jaemin laughs then, finally.

“Good luck.” Renjun gets out and closes the door to Jaemin’s car firmly and watches it pull out the driveway, it’s sort of a noisy car.

Renjun pauses in front of Jeno’s front door. It’s thick oak, there's a big knocker on it, that Renjun doesn’t really want to have to use. He knows it’s unlocked, and he doesn’t normally knock, just goes right up to Jeno’s room or the basement, or sits at the breakfast bar to talk to Jeno’s mom, but it feels different now. Historically, at least in recent history, just walking in on Jeno hasn’t brought the best outcome. And Renjun wants this to go well, or at least the best it can.

He’s stopped from his dilemma when he hears strumming coming from Jeno’s backyard. He follows the sound around the side of the house, undoing the gate latch easily to get into the backyard. Jeno’s there, on his patio sitting up on a chaise lounge strumming his guitar in something Renjun vaguely recognizes, squinting at his laptop with the chords, he looks up when Renjun gets closer. And god what a sight, Jeno Lee in the summertime, smiling so his eyes crinkle in that way that shoots through Renjun’s heart, his hair gleaming, his skin sun flushed and tan, barefoot in his own backyard.

Jeno puts the guitar to the side and stands, he gets to Renjun faster than he was quite ready for, curse his long legs. He leans down, half mocking Renjun’s height in the soft way Jeno teases, the only way Jeno teases. He’s close, so close Renjun can’t look anywhere but at his face, and he smells like clementines and coconut, and his lips are thin and chapped in a way that makes Renjun ache with familiarity.

Jeno is already leaning in for a kiss when he says, “Hey stranger.”

That one night-

The dine-in section is closed, so they get drive-through. Renjun holds the bags in his still soggy lap, Jaemin is already navigating the car back onto the main road, Renjun doesn’t ask where they are going. Jaemin gave him a sweatshirt from his trunk, and it smells questionable but at least it’s warm. They never found his shirt. Renjun opens one of the and takes a fry out, but pauses when Jaemin grimaces.

“What?” Jaemin blushes.

“I, uh, I actually try not to eat in my car.” Renjun raises his eyebrow but drops the fry back into the bag. Jaemin’s car is a mess, receipts and spare paper lines the car, pamphlets from the volunteers Jaemin always stops to talk to, returned assignments from his professors, prescription bags from CVS, but admittedly no wrappers.

“Okay I’ll wait. But, if you’re doing this for cleanliness sake I’m not sure it’s succeeding.” Jaemin pulls behind another car at a red light and looks at Renjun smiling.

“Yeah, but think about how much grosser it would be if there was also wrappers and rotting food in here.” Renjun scrunches up his face which makes Jaemin laugh.

“I don’t think I want to.”

Jaemin takes them to the playground across from the skate park. The skate park isn’t deserted at 1:16 am, harsh flood lights light up the bowl for the few crews (crews is a loose term this far from the city) that stick around past dark. Technically the park closes at dusk, but the city policemen look the other way because for the most parts it keeps them from skating the stairs in the town square. Jaemin used to skate with them, in high school at least, he waves to one of them before sitting next to Renjun on a swing.

"Do you skate at school? I've never seen it."

"First semester I tried to, but there's too many hills, and campus safety cares more about hassling skaters than anything happening on Greek row. So I've sort of, paused. I guess. " Renjun inhales part of his burger before speaking.

"So you've stopped."

"Yeah but that's sad to say." Renjun laughs and Jaemin takes a bite of his McChicken before continuing. "I always thought it was one of those things I would never outgrow, and now I feel like I'm being forced to."

Renjun thinks about that. He eats a fry and thinks about that, about outgrowing things, and letting things go, and giving up. 

"You can still love something that you outgrow, you can still love something you have to give up." Jaemin looks at Renjun, like he has all night, like he sees right through him. It's terrifying to feel known, it's comforting to be seen, his legs feel sticky in his damp jeans. "You should have given me the spare pants."

"They are my pants, I get dibs on the dry pants."

"Yeah but I got cheated on tonight." Renjun says, and regrets it.

" Well, someone threw a shoe at me tonight, so," he makes the so-so hand motion and Renjun laughs in disbelief, he's so glad he didn't respond with pity or try to apologize. He might have thrown his shoe again if he had. 

"Well now your seat’s wet, jerk" Jaemin rolls his eyes.

"Oh no, my perfect car." Renjun laughs. He eats the rest of his burger, he’s gonna feel so sick soon. He already sort of feels sick, not from the burger. "How do you feel?" Renjun just glares at him, but Jaemin presses on, "No really, do you still feel like jumping from a rope? Are you angry? I feel like most people would be angry right now but I don't know you just sort of seem..." Jaemin trails off, he's looking at the skaters, small at this distance swirling around the bowl and down rails.

"I don't feel like doing anything drastic. I'm not going to try anything, I think I used up all my adrenaline and impulsiveness in the lake, and now I'm just,” just what? What is Renjun, an idiot? A fool? Alone? “ I’m just all used up. I spent everything and now I’m just empty.” Renjun eats another fry, and only tastes salt. He holds up the fry carton “And also very full.”

Jaemin laughs, “I’ll finish it for you if you don’t, I love scraps,” Renjun hands him the carton and kicks off gently on the swing, more rocking that swinging, he doesn’t want to get motion sick. “It’s fair to be exhausted. Do you want me to take you home?” 

Renjun considers it but shakes his head. A few skaters leave, calling out to the rest when they do, the park looks too big with just four people skating around the bowl. Renjun is so tired. So tired of feeling like not enough, and of being scared of trusting things, people and himself, and of having that small trust that he gives be broken. He’s tired of being conned, of giving cautiously, small fragile structures of himself and watching them be torn down. Wouldn't it be better to give easier? to give something less skittish? To trust himself to break himself all on his own? Maybe if he was better, someone like Jaemin who wasn't scared to look like an idiot, or someone like Donghyuck who - no.

Donghyuck has his own battles.

"How do you do it- How do you let someone-" Renjun can't stop cutting himself off, "How do you just, let people- and so close- what if they, what if it's not enough and you-" Jaemin cuts himself off this time. with a hand on his shoulder.

"There's a difference between being weak, and being vulnerable. Even if it doesn't always feel like it. I'm not all that brave, but being vulnerable is the bravest thing I do." Renjun sort of wants to punch him. He sort of wants to be in his arms again.

"What happens when its not enough. What if you fail anyway."

"Then I throw a fit, and I sulk, and I cry to my mom on the phone, and any friend that will listen. And then I get up and I do it again." Renjun shoves his trash back in the Mcdonalds bag, and stands up. He walks to the trash can at the edge of the park and fantasizes about not coming back. And then he comes back.

Jaemin looks at him, and for once Renjun doesn't feel see-through.

"Teach me to skateboard?" Jaemin's smile is part disbelief, and part excitement.

-

Renjun dodges the kiss by throwing his arms around Jeno's neck and hugging him. He's warm, Jeno is always so warm, he has all the extra heat Renjun lacks. Jeno used to say that to justify holding hands, as if Renjun didn't want to just as badly. He squeezes him, tight, and Jeno's arms come around his waist gently, delicately.

"Woah, woah, is everything okay?" Jeno's voice is laced with concern, Renjun only squeezes him tighter. How could he do this to them, to both of them, how could he still feel so safe.

"I think we need to talk." Renjun says instead, quietly to the part of Jeno's neck just below his ear. Renjun is already sniffling, there no use in trying not to cry, Renjun has always cried when he feels deeply, and right now Renjun is drowning in this. This, this conversation, them, two years of them, just sitting underneath Renjun's skin.

Jeno sits on the chaise again, and Renjun doesn't sit in the space Jeno makes between his legs. Instead he sits on the chaise next to him. He doesn't want to look at him. Renjun makes himself look at him. He wishes he had Jamein's super power, but Jeno stays opaque. Renjun has so much to say to him, the words get jumbled in this chest, dry up in his lungs, caught in his throat, because he doesn't  _ want _ to say any of them. And yet he also wants to scream them all. He drops a bucket into the well in his chest and all that comes up is,

"I'm sorry," Jeno's eyebrows quirck, "im sorry im not 'so fucking perfect for you'," and something finally passes over Jeno's eyes, something like understanding. "I'm a lot of things, but i'm not that, and he is."

"Wait slow down-"

"Why, why wouldn't you just end it? Why wouldn't you just break up with me, why did you- did you set me up?" Renjun wipes at his face. And then quietly, small and shameful and more vulnerable than weak, "You said you loved me."

"I do!" It's a short sentence and Jeno's voice still betrays him, cracking. "I love you so fucking much, more than anything."

"Not more than Hyuck!" Renjun shoots back fast, and Jeno has to pause. He breathes and sinks in on himself. If it were anyone else right then, they would have gotten angry, insisted, yelled, pushed back, fought with him, Renjun  _ wants  _ Jeno to fight with him. But he's Jeno, and so he doesn't.

"I love Hyuck differently." I love Hyuck, I love Hyuck, I love Hyuck.

"You love him?" It's broken and raw, like a tree split in a lightning strike, embers on the inside, laid to waste everywhere else. Jeno scrubs both hands through his hair.

"I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry. Fuck, Jun, I’m so sorry."

"For loving him?"

"For hurting you." And that's the thing isn't it.

\- that one night

"Okay, just like that, your back foot sideways and then your front like, yeah you got it and then when you push off you match them." Renjun feels a little ridiculous practicing feet positions on the ground, but Jaemin won't let him on the board he keeps in his trunk without it. "You should really be wearing a helmet for your first time-"

"Shouldn't you always wear a helmet?" Renjun squints at him, Jaemin just looks back at him, sort of blank.

"I haven't worn a helmet since I was nine years old."

"No wonder, you're so dumb." Jaemin sticks his tongue out. The first time Renjun gets on the board he immediately gets off. "Oh my god it's so wobbly." The next time he grabs onto both of Jaemin's shoulders with a death grip.

"Fuck, let go! You're hurting me!" When Renjun talks it's through clenched teeth.

"I'll kill you if you take my hands off." Jaemin holds up his hands, and Renjun slowly switches one hand and then the other until he's clutching both of Jaemin's hands in a death grip in front of him.

"Okay now, very slowly push off"

"Don't rush me!" Jaemin laughs but Renjun ignores him, when he's ready, he pushes off, more of a tap really, and Jaemin keeps up with him as he shakily glides four feet to the right. They repeat that a few more times, until Renjun gets used to the slight vibration in his knees, how low to keep his knees, the way the board feels under his feet.

Jaemin steps back and Renjun holds his breath as he pushes off alone for the first time. Easy. He turns back to Jaemin, triumphant and Jaemin whoops in the sparse park, the skaters in the bowl cheer too, which makes Renjun blush. He pushes off again, and makes it a little farther this time. He pushes off again, harder and finally tries to shift his front foot, but he puts too much weight on his back foot and before he's prepared for it, his board shoots out in front of him, making him fall hard on his butt and hands. Jaemin is there in an instant.

"Shit that was a rough one. You okay?" Renjun brushes the small asphalt pebbles from the scraped up heels of his palms, they are a little red, a little raw but fine. Not fatal. He's okay.

"I wanna go again." Jaemin smiles and holds out his hand to help him up.

-

“How do you love him?” Renjun asks. 

“What?” Jeno takes his red face out of his hands to look at him. 

“You said you love him differently, how do you love him?” Jeno looks at Renjun, considering, and then he stands, pacing at the side of the chairs, back and forth, back and forth to gather his thoughts. Renjun is used to this, Jeno has always been someone who can think better, more clearly, in motion. 

He stops his pacing and looks at Renjun, “Okay. Okay so do you remember when that whole mess went down with Jungwoo?” Renjun nods, he does remember that, a mess was the right way to describe it. Donghyuck had fallen hard, and fast, and  _ obviously _ , and when he confessed, he was turned down, kind and well meaning and awkward and painful. Jeno continues pacing as he speaks. 

“It fucked him up, he thought there was something wrong with him,” kinda like how Jeno made Renjun feel, he thinks to himself, “because it's not like Jungwoo is straight, it's not like it was going to be long distance and he couldn't do that, it's not like he was seeing someone," Jeno has the decency to look very sorry at that, "he didn't have a reason, besides just not liking him. He felt like no one was ever going to like him, because, because no one had."

"Hyuck has been on dates, he's fucked people-"

Jeno turns around to face him in his pacing when he cuts Renjun off, "But he's never  _ dated _ anyone, no one had ever realized, realized that-"

"Realized what?!"

"How good he is!" It's loud in the quiet backyard. Jeno doesn't stop. "I spent more time with him, trying to console him, get him back on his feet, convince him of all the amazing things about himself and while doing that I realized each of those things too. Stuff I already knew but didn't really  _ see _ before if that makes sense." It doesn't. And it does. "I saw how kind he is, how he cares about everyone, how he can be the loudest person in the room, but he also laughs the hardest at someone else's jokes, and they way he can get serious about what he's passionate about but not be mean to those around him. How he's stubborn and horrible at ping pong and. And how he  _ shines. _ And then I realized I loved him. That just seeing him turns my day around, that being with him feels like breathing after being underwater. That I don't have to hide any of my love from him because he'll take it all and give more back. Because he loves me like I love him."

"And I don't."

"I love you Renjun. I love you so much, but we love differently, you and I." He's crying and pacing and looking at Renjun like he needs him to  _ get _ it.

"And it's not enough?"

Jeno takes a breath. Jeno closes his eyes. Jeno breaks Renjun's heart. "Sometimes I look at you and I wonder, If you actually love me, or if it's just easy. Because you don't like to say it, and I'm boring and you don't like change. You say you love me, or loved me, but I don't believe you, because I don't make your heart race. Because you don’t say my name during sex. Because I’m not your home. You love me because it's easy."

"That's not yours to decide!" Renjun cries out, voice hoarse. Jeno’s right. In a horrible way. Renjun doesn’t want to  _ get _ it. 

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm just. I’m sorry. Because you are enough, you make me feel impossible things, freezing or falling or on fire just from your look. I love touching you, not jus tlike that, but your waist, the way you fit against me, holding you makes me feel at peace. Sometimes just listening to you talk, or complain on the phone, can be the best part of my day. And you're my best friend. And if you  _ do _ love me, we love differently.” Jeno takes a step forward and another until hes on the ground in front of Renjun, holding both of his hands. “If you  _ do  _ love me, I didn’t know. And Hyuck, doesn’t love me because it’s easy.” Jeno closed his eyes and his lips quirked just at saying his name, “Hyuck loves me even though it’s so hard.”

“Well. It can get easier now. We’re breaking up, if that wasn’t clear. Go be with him, but. I don’t want to see you anymore.”

“You’re my best friend!” 

“You cheated on me! This isn't a negotiation!" Another perfect tear falls on Jeno's stupid handsome face. Renjun stops himself from wiping it, from holding his cheek. Because Jeno was wrong before, looking at him, right now, like this,  _ hurts _ .

"You're my best friend, and I  _ know _ this is my fault but," his voice breaks devastatingly, like it also can't believe this is happening, "but, please," he squeezes Renjun's hands like a lifeline, Renjun almost breaks, almost says sorry, because Jeno's eyes speak of pain and something truer. But when Jeno squeezes his hands and says, "Come back to me. Soon." All Renjun can feel is the sting of the scrapes on his palms. Renjun stands up. Renjun gets back up. He's getting better at that lately.

He sniffs, and it's wet and undignified no matter how high Renjun holds his chin, he wipes his tears, not to pretend that they aren't there, not to deny that he's hurt, but to acknowledge them, and move on.

"I'll see you on campus Jeno. Be healthy." Renjun turns around, turns his back on Jeno's shocked and resigned face. He's prepared for Jeno to call his name, to demand they continue the conversation, he's not prepared for this.

For the soft broken way Jeno calls to him, a murmur carried by the breeze, "Jun." Still Renjun doesn't turn back. Renjun doesn't stop, through the gate, around the house, down the driveway, take a right and down the block. It isn't until the end of the second block that Renjun stops.

He crouches down, next to the stop sign, pulls out his phone and dials, he picks up on the second ring. Renjun speaks before he can, "Actually I changed my mind, can you come pick me up?"

-

Jaemin’s room is only marginally less messy than his car. There are papers all over the desk against the wall, the floor has clothes strewn on the floor like a mass grave to Jaemin's last week in outfits, and the dresser looked like someone upturned a junk drawer on it. On the floor next to a small TV and PS4 there was a shrine to broken skateboards, at least five and some pieces of more all lined up against the wall, scratched to all hell and splintering. Renjun points to one that looks especially torn up.

"How did you even do that? Are you the 'so no head' guy?" Jaemin laughed and walked over to grab it, it was even gnarlier up close.

"This commemorates when I first did a Backside Lipslide Shuv." He winces, "Or at least when I was learning," he hovers a hand over the splintering wood, "I almost lost my balls and my nose that day." Renjun laughs.

"Damn? All in one day?" Jaemin places the remnant back with the others, and sits back on a couch Renjun didn't even realize was there. Renjun joins him and slouches into the soft lumpy comfort. "Did you ever get the trick?"

"The Bs Lipslide Shuv?"

"Yeah, that one." Jaemin's lips turn up crookedly.

"Yeah, the same day, I did it on someone else's board before I got a new one. I don't know if I can still do it though."

"Have you ever gotten, like, really, really, hurt while skating?" Jaemin winced.

"Yeah one time I underestimated a drop" he mimics a little finger man going up, and down and down, "broke my collar bone and got a concussion. Could have been a lot worse." Renjun lets out a low whistle.

"And you still don't wear a helmet?"

"What can I say? I'm a glutton for pain." Jaemin wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and doesn't stop, even when Renjun hits his shoulder repeatedly.

"I literally  _ just _ broke up with someone you idiot!"

"So what I'm hearing is you're single- ow! Stop hitting me!" but they're both laughing too much to feel very serious. Something almost, fond, grows in Renjun's chest, something grateful too. Suddenly he looks up.

"Wait where's your bed?" Jaemin grins, in a way Renjun knows to be suspicious of before he reaches behind them and suddenly Renjun's falling, he gasps and squeals until he's flat on his back still on the cushion, staring at the ceiling, silent in his disbelief. Oh, it was a futon. Jaemin stares at him, and Renjun tries to glare back but it's only a moment before full body shaking laughter is bubbling from his chest. Jaemin flops down next to him and laughs too, but he's not laughing as hard. Renjun's legs kick out and his stomach aches with it, and he might be crying and not just from the shock, the prank, but also from relief, it feels like some sort of burden has been lifted. Even if it's not entirely true.

Renjun looks at Jaemin, lying next to him, less than an arms length away, face crooked and crinkled and  _ open _ in laughter. So open.

"Jaemin?" His eyes open and find Renjun's.

"Yeah?"

"Will you teach me how to tread water?"

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> PSA [CONTRIBUTE PLEASE BLM](https://moreblminfo.carrd.co/)
> 
> This one was mostly written to the song "My Grandfather Could Make The World Dance" by Auditorium instead of Orville Peck lol
> 
> Come Say Hi ! I love skater Jaemin!  
> [Twitter(MDNI)](https://twitter.com/translixie)  
> [](https://curiouscat.me/translixie)


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